Sandwichgate

It all started innocently enough. A post about a sandwich at Le Boulanger. Or so it seemed.

As we later found out, David Lewis, drunk with power in a temporary position of “helper moderator” of OMVNAtalk, deleted a derogatory statement about a sandwich. Innocent you say? I don’t think so.

The sharp observers on OMVNAtalk exploded in a firestorm.

“Is this Russia?”
“Is there no free speech?”
“Is the neighborhood under the steel-tipped jackboots of the Steering Committee?”
“Is the Steering Committee forcing their sandwich preferences on us?”

Then the coverup. Behind the goodie-goodie façade of Chair Laura Lewis, lay the cold heart of a despot. Bloody Laura attempted to deceive the masses with a blatant coverup when she trotted out a different set of OMVNAtalk guidelines.

But thanks to hawkeyed neighbors who noted subtle differences, Laura was exposed. Laura then resorted to sickening platitudes to appease the masses. And then, downright grovelling. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said, but it was too late.

The neighborhood unleashed their fury. “Off with her head!” they cried, calling for Laura’s resignation.

Conspiracy theories abounded. Was it just coincidence that a bylaw was mistakenly left out of the last newsletter?  Could it be yet another power grab by the Steering Committee? And how did this relate to the OMVNAtalk guidelines? And wasn’t that Carter Coleman seen on the grassy knoll?

Laura, bruised and beaten, succumbed to Jack’s crafty suggestion that he would do the moderating in a cleverly contrived grab for power. (What was Laura thinking?)

Under the cloak of invincibility of the moderatorship, Jack unleashed the evil forces of censorship into Old Mountain View. He directed his comments at all the disgruntled masses, saying, let them go to unmoderated boards! I will decide to pull the plug when I find the chatter annoying. And let them eat cake! Or sandwiches as the case may be.

Other members of the Steering Committee started growing suspicious of Jack when he started referring to the moderatorship as “my precious”.

“Look at what Jack posted!” shouted Deb Keller. “He’s out of control!”

“Jack is just a wild and crazy guy,” demurred bespectacled Robert Cox, glancing up from his MiRNA spreadsheet.

“Deb is right,” chimed in Becky Reyna. “Something has come over Jack. Whose bright idea was to make Jack a moderator anyway?”

Now alarmed, Deb, Becky and Robert formed a fellowship to snatch the moderatorship away from Jack. But strangely, no one wanted to be moderator! What to do.

So the triumvirate turned back to a now-chastened Laura Lewis. Would Laura consent now to be the moderator? Happily yes! (But wait. Weren’t we trying to fire Laura just a day ago? No matter.)

Freedom prevails! The neighbors will not be muzzled! They will call a sandwich crappy. This is America! Not Stalinist Russia!

But beware. Jack is still our there. Lurking. Unpredictable. Liable to lash out at any time. Any place.

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Editor’s note: In the printed version of the newsletter it said that Jack was Sub-moderator (whatever that is). This is no longer the case. We have tamed Jack, and Laura Lewis and Kim Copher now hold the moderatorship.